Saturday, November 6, 2010

Heavy Heart

I have a heavy heart today, do you?

I have been reading some of your blogs for about the last six months talking about not being inspired.
I feel the same way.
I noticed that no one is talking about what I'm feeling, and that's okay. Its not something that you want to broadcast, feelings of feeling down, slightly depressed, worried, scared. I have some of those feelings. Its about fear for some loved ones.

I don't know if you have any loved ones going through really hard times right now, due to the economy, but I do? It is tearing me apart to see people you love...siblings...children...grand victims of the aftermath of our current and cruel economy.

graphic courtesy of The Graphic Fairy

As a result, I worry. I knew I was a worrier, but haven't had a lot to worry about in the last few years. I retired 13 years ago, things have been rolling right along in such a great way, every day is Saturday. I have a wonderful little business, terrific clients, business is good. A few bumps in the road, but nothing serious, other than losing my sweet Chester the Yorkie, and a major theft. Okay, some small set backs. But you rise to the occasion, right? You pull yourself together and get through it all...that's because YOU can control YOU.

But this is different, I can't control what happens to my loved ones in some current situations. I can't fix these things. I can't put relationships back together, I can't save mortgages, I can't make cancer go away. And it is heavy on my heart. And creativity dries up and gets put on a shelf, gathering dust. How can I possibly go play when people you love are hurting so badly?

I had a long talk last night with WH, and he really helped me put things in perspective. He talked about taking all these things and separating them out. Deal with one situation at a time, and whether or not you can affect it. Break them all down into little things. Don't wad them up and let it consume you. I thought hard about that, and my first gut reaction was, "then I wouldn't care".

Wrong. I think by separating these issues, and dealing with what I can affect, is a great way to not only look at the big picture, but a healthier way as well. I was in advertising management for years, and remember how all the people that reported to me would bring me their problems, every day, every minute of every day. That was my job. I was getting paid to help them solve their problems. Obviously those problems were much less serious than the problems my loved ones are experiencing right now. Those people weren't in a crisis of any kind.

But can't the same principals be used? Help my loved ones deal with one day at a time. Break it down into little pieces and deal with that, one step at a time. Affect what I can, and try not to worry about what I can't.

I see today, after sleeping on it, this is a great way to deal with my worry. Every single predicament will move ahead, all the details will be tumbled, moved around, turned upside down, and still, the outcome will be the same, with or without my worry. I'm gently and lovingly handing the reins over to destiny today.

I don't know if you have a heavy heart, and that might be what is getting in your way of creating. Our country hasn't experienced this kind of set back in my life time. It has to affect each of us in some way, and even my sisters across the sea. We are all in this situation together, this economy. We are lucky to have each other to share with, and encourage. We will all move past this dark cloud, we will all continue to create and be inspired, all the while having heavy hearts for our loved ones. But moving past that.

We will all move past hard times and begin to be inspired and create again.
That is our destiny, I have to believe that.

Thank you dear ones for letting me share.
Much love,


Alice said...

Me too, me too. By nature I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders - friends who have lost their job or having marital troubles, world hunger, the teen in the next town that dies in an auto accident, kidnappings etc. I've stopped listening to the news because it stresses me out.

I have been blessed, and really can think of only two times in my life that I worried about financial issues--which were fortunately short lived. And until recently, our family has been blessed with relatively good health. But this year has been a hard one for my mother who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I carry the weight of my father's fear for doing the right thing when caring for her, and the weight of losing my own mother.

I like your idea of sorting everything out, fixing the things we can, and moving past those we have no control over. My husband and I feel it is our duty to share our good fortune with others through donations, and pray for those we can not help. For me, praying helps me to get it off my shoulders and into the more capable hands of God.

Thank you for sharing, and for being such a caring person!

mairedodd said...

the advice wh gave you is wonderful... and i happen to believe that it is in the struggle that more comes out of you... surely one of the small benefits to upset and struggle... let people know you love them... and support them... we had health issues in our family - serious ones... and quite simply, all i could do was to offer myself... but usually, that is more than anyone could ask for...
thinking of you and your family....
as winston churchill said, 'the only way to get through hell is to keep going.'

TesoriTrovati said...

Sweet Riki... I feel your heavy heart today. And it hurts. I am not sure if that is what is making my creativity a little dusty or if it is simply the fallow before the growing. Change is hard. I am struck by some very deep woes myself right now, not life threatening, more life altering. And that could be sucking me dry too. I think that you are right to deal with what you can and love those people as much as you can. You can't solve it all. Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. The rest will sort itself out. And we are resilient. We will survive. We will change and grow and find a new path. I just know it.
I am sending you a hug, Riki!

Find your 'something good' today.
Enjoy the day.

Kym Hunter Designs said...

I too am a worrier and with aging parents, five children, three grandchildren and this terrible economy, it seems like I am worried 24/7. It hurts me to not be able to help others the way I would like to be able to. I believe that God is with us and I know that everything will work out as it should and always has.

I agree with Alice about prayer. Prayer is such a powerful, wonderful thing. I also agree with Maire Dodd. Letting people know that you love them and are thinking of them is sometimes the best medicine.

Blessing to you and yours!

Barbara Lewis said...

I haven't had to bear the financial worries of my children because I'm still supporting them! My daughter's in college and my son works with me and is still living at home.

I think sometimes we feel if we're aren't allowing ourselves to "feel" as terrible, worried, depressed as those who are struggling that we are insensitive to their needs. This is not the case. We can be a beacon of light for the people we love. We can pray for them and be the one they come to when they need uplifting. This is not to say that we don't care, but we convert our sorrow to the action of being a rock for others to hold on to.

My prayers are with you, Riki.

julietk said...

It is certainly a difficult time for some. I always find that if I count the blessings, rather than the hardships, it makes me feel better. There are many blessings we have that we take for granted. Along with your friend WHs solution, of dealing with what you realistically can. I hope it will help you feel Less Heavy Hearted soon.

stregata said...

WH gave you good advice. You can only take things one step at a time. And you cannot solve all the problems of all that are close to your heart, just as you cannot solve all the problems of the world. Everyone goes through difficult times at some point in their lives - I think the difficult times form us much more than the good times. If you give of yourself, your love, your time - what else could you offer that is more precious?

Anonymous said...

Ah, worry. It's so easy to let it consume us, to the point that we miss the present and put our energies into something that will eventually work out. It always works out, whether we fret, cry, love or support.

I still worry, but a bit less. After my hubby had a stroke I let go. I let go because it was out of my control. I let go so I could enjoy the life I have with him NOW. And I love my family and my friends with all of their troubles and celebrations now and I'm there for them. In the present. Just like they're there for me now with my troubles and celebrations. And so we move forward together with big hearts because this is the life we all have now.

peace and kisses,

Kim Palmer said...

Times are certainly difficult for everyone at the present. I had only remarked to my children that the current state of the global financial markets has never been seen in my own lifetime and its more than a little worrying. I'm a huge believer in one step at a time and dealing with big issues in such a way. Great advice from your WH. Things can become overwhelming otherwise but tackled in this fashion you are better able to meet the issues head on and achieve something positive. Take heart!

Esther said...

great post Riki! you are so right , i will keep this sentence "Break them all down into little things." Here in France , it's not better than in USA, it's very hard to stay the course, sometimes i think all i make with jewelry it's superficial..almost a luxury.. but it's my way.. and it make me forget all my troubles we need to show a depressed face because everything is wrong in this world? instead, create beautiful things can encourage . We all (artists) want to make beautiful things because we all have something broken inside.. it's a therapy (particularly for us , vintage lovers...) All around us , even in our lives we see divorces, diseases, no job, no money .. it's hard.. but we have to walk on our way .. without that, everybody will be lost ..; because even on our little life, we are lights for other walkers, and ALL walkers are light for us. Thanks for sharing!

Liz Revit said...

Riki, the timing of your post is right on. I think the economy is sucking everyone dry. I just got a call from a good friend who is late on paying his rent for his place of business, and he runs the risk of being kicked out. Without a storefront, there's no business.

I'm praying for him and everyone who seems to have fallen victim to this terrible mess. May God's love and help get everyone through.

farmlady said...

Creating beauty is no small thing. You must remember that creativity is a gift of yourself. If you stop because you think it's frivolity in a time of uncertainty, anxiety and change, you eliminate the one thing that we all need.... HOPE. Like seeing a beautiful painting in a museum when you didn't have much money for the entrance fee but then the beauty of the painting inspires you to keep on moving forward.
In 1939 and 1940 when World War II was building up and we had been through a horrible recession. Life was uncertain.... but then someone made a movie called Pinocchio and a little cricket named Jiminy sang "When you wish upon a star" and someone else developed penicillin, and Matisse continued to create his amazingly beautiful paintings. BECAUSE.... life is about living and using your talents to make yourself and others happy,, or safe, or sometimes just a bit stronger.
Mother Teresa said, "We can do no great things only small things with great love."
It's a hug, it's listening, it's the 'what can I do?'... that makes a difference. It's the reality that life is what it is and that we don't have to have all the answers. We just need to continue on... with compassion and determination to do the right thing.
When my son got laid off and lost his house two years ago I was devastated, but then I met a lady through my blog who's son died unexpectedly and I realized that there is always something worse. My son was still alive. We stayed by his side and helped when we could. Now, he has a job and has lived in my Mom's house since she died. He and his family (and my grandsons) are doing just fine. Sometimes we have to learn the difference between a tragedy and a burnt potato.

Please keep making beautiful things because we all have parts missing and beauty gives us hope that things will be all right.

The Joy of Nesting said...

Hello Miss R,

Because creating art is such an emotional soul searching&soul bearing process for us, we tend to find our creativity suffers when we are stressed and worried. We also tend to feel guilty for what joy and contentment we have when we make our art. But Miss R an artist is who, not just what you are. It is the way you express ALL of your feelings. If your art helps someone to smile and be happy for even a moment that becomes a precious gift that only you can give. The receiver doesn't have to know nor even realize the joy and happiness you give is returned to you 10 fold. Your positive energy can only produce positive energy which then grows stronger and embraces those around you. Therefore our negative energy can only produce negative energy, which also spreads out to others. There is already more then enough of that these days. So it is up to us to spread our positive energy the best way we can. And that Lit'l Sister is what our art does. :)

"I am never happier then when I'm making things. It's an experience I can't imagine living without."
Milton Glaser.

Oh and you are so right we are very lucky and blessed because we have our Art Sisters in our life!

Pattie ;)
Mazatlan Mx.

Suz said...

Thanks, Riki. We just came home from dinner with our best friend who is in the last stages of cancer...hoping he will make it for the birth of his first grandchild. My heart is very heavy. Thank you for addressing the sadness and worry I am feeling.

This two shall pass. I believe that, deep within my heart.


Mosaic Magpie said...

I have done a craft show this weekend for 7 years. Always well attended and lots of buying and trading going on. Not this year. I am lucky I do not depend on the selling of my creations for my income. Very few sales and the crowd was way down. I looked at the husband and wife team across from me, the sadness and despair was clearly apparent. I went over and purchased an item but that was too little too late I believe. So many vendors were discussing the lack of sales and how the crowd was small. The crowd that was there mostly just walked through with a blank look on their face. I did have repeat customers that stopped by to see what I had and we visited with each other. I could see a big difference even from this past year. A whole new world out there.

Anonymous said...

I think the general malaise in the atmosphere is getting to us all. Chin up, dear Riki...God will see us through this, and all.

Kim L said...

Inspiring post, Rikki. Life for us has been a tough row to hoe. Luckily for us, no health scares. The mantra that gets me through is, 'What's the worst that can happen". Then I try to let go. My obsessive worry will not change the outcome. Things somehow work out.

I think God is a funny fellow/lady. He/She has finally said, "I do not think she can take anymore tests. It is now time for me grace her with good."

The sun is finally peeking out from behind those gray clouds.

Diane said...

Riki....I too feel your heavy heart, and know you care deeply for your children and grandchildren. I am sure I would be feeling the same way.
But rest assured, God will see you thru this and much more my dear friend. I am just so very thankful you have such a WH and your little Maddie to help you along the way....

Cindy said...

Riki, thank you for sharing so deeply what is in your heart and on your mind lately. Isn't it something to see that yes, so many understand and can relate to what you've expressed here. We are all experiencing the ups and downs. And you're right, generally people simply talk of the good times on their blogs. I know myself that I keep things light on my blog, but deep down who doesn't have concerns and troubles? I love the advice you were given, to break things down in to manageable pieces. Such words of wisdom! You have a way of comfortin those in your life - I know you were there for me when I lost Bentley this summer and that meant so much to me that I had someone to share those emotions with, someone who had just been there. Sending you a big hug!

Lisa Loria said...

Louise Hay says Stress/Worry = Fear.
I think of the Prayer for people in 12 step programs.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."
I am neither in AA or super religious, but this prayer has always worked for me. It is a LIFE prayer really. Basically telling one to break down the worries and either dump them or focus on what you can.
I too have been through tough times, almost lost my home, took over a year and a half for my mortgage company to decide to modify the loan. Most would have given up, all of the crap they put me through, up/down, etc. Family members also sick and strapped. It is a tough time right now and banning together is the only way to weather the storm.
A bump in the road is not the end of the road.

Your openness is wonderful.
Much Love to you and your family.
Your creative well will fill up again.

Charlene said...

AMEN SISTER!!!!!!!! But, turn those problems over to someone else! It is too heavy a burden to carry. It will damage your sweet heart so tie a balloon on that worry & send it up & away from you. I'm serious! Write it down. Fold it up. Tie a string around it & let the balloon take it from you. FREEING!!!!!!!! Hugs!

Unknown said...

Thank you for this post. I found it so encouraging and helpful in reminding me that a lot of problems are out of our control but we can change and control how we look at them.
You are a very special person, Riki, to feel so deeply.